Lately life has felt kind of like I’m constantly juggling every single aspect of my life. I’ve never had so much going at once.

As a Bonus Mom, there’s the Right Thing that we are working on to improve things for the kidlets and our sanity. Of course that’s not simple so there is a lot of angst, worry, frustration, fear, hopefulness, praising and being thankful for our kick-butt laywer, keeeping records of every.single.thing, not understanding the court system at all, and then some. Oh, and a lot of me being vague (still). Somedays after we hear new news from the lawyer or put up with more junk from their mom it takes all my energy to put a smile on my face and get my “mom” hat on. But do it I must and I’m always more than glad to have them with us. The hugs,the “I love you,” pictures, and belly laughs are totally worth it. {photo credit}

On the homefront, we are selling our house which means we live in a state of cleanliness and anonymity so that we are ready to show our house pretty much at any time of day. Given that we have had eight showings in the last two weeks I’m confident our house has never been this clean. We’ve mastered the art of prepping the house for a showing in less than one hour. I wonder if I can put that on my resume? I’m hopeful it will be bought sooner rather than later.

Since we are selling this house, that means that yes, we are moving. So add packing, cleaning up and sorting out (why do we all insist on having so much stuf?), and an upcoming garage sale to the short list for the next two weeks because, um, we move in about three weeks. THREE WEEKS. We were able to find and purchase a new (fabulous) house which I’m incredibly excited about for a variety of reasons, first and foremost being that it’s our house. This means a fresh start for me and Knight as a couple (no more living with the ghosts of his ex!). We will have friends and family nearby, things to actually go and do when we feel like it, better school districts, better professional opportunities for Knight and for myself. Right off the bat I’m crazy excited. Of course buying a house doesn’t come without its own fun: inspections, appraisals, situating closing times (the first two went great, the last one is being a tad tricky) and the lovely logistics of moving an entire household. I hate moving. Hate.

And then there’s that pesky thing called wedding planning. I always think I’ve done a lot of planning until I realize there are five more things for every one thing I’ve accomplished. Even when I try to delegate things it lands back on my plate. Family politics are a bitch. The wedding to-do list seems to be growing, not shrinking. I’m really looking forward to the wedding in five months because: a) I get to wear my gorgeous dress; b) I’m marrying the love of my life; c) no more wedding planning! and d) week long honeymoon in paradise.

Plus, if that’s not enough there is still the everyday life: work. Being a fiancé. Parenting when we have the kidlets (and even when we don’t; I worry about them when they aren’t with us). Trying to fit in time for me, friends, family, exercise, reading and everything in between.

Somedays it takes all my energy to just put one foot in front of the other. To push through the day. And the next one… and the next…

There are nights I want to sit on the couch and just stare at the wall and void my mind of all the 1,001 thoughts and to-do lists running through my brain.

Other days I feel like crazy overwhelmed because it’s just too much for one person to handle and keeping it together some days really tries my patience. I know we are fighting the good fight with the Right Thing. I know it’s necessary for us to leave this house and start over fresh. I understand wedding planning is not always easy, and of course the general life stuff isn’t always a walk on the beach either. I’m just drained. I’ve got all these balls in the air and for awhile longer a few of them won’t be able to be caught. Until then I’ll just keep repeating that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and if you’re going through hell, keep on going…

How do you handle it when you have too much on your plate (and you can’t scrape any of it off)? What’s your favorite mantra/quote/words of wisdom for getting through a particularly busy-rough-joyful-all-rolled-into-one patch?

This week = whirlwind. The work days flew by, the time in between work and sleep and sleep and work, all just a complete blur! I’m in the middle of some big projects at work that are all computer-centric so by the end of the night cooking, exercising and reading is the only thing that’s appealing. So today, I give you the week, written in five minutes and in five bullets. (My own little spin on Friday Five.) Photo Credit.

* Our wedding invitations shipped earlier this week and arriving today. I’m so excited to see them, address them, send them! I have new ideas daily for the wedding; it’s fun but distracting at times.

* Don’t watch the movie Young Adult. Knight and I watched it this past weekend and it was kinda… lame. It was funny at times, but the rest of the movie was pretty depressing.

* Sometimes the best way to get out of a funk: baking homemade chocolate chip cookies and reading a good book. Works every time. Other things that help: watching ridiculous tv like the Pauly D project.

* There are some evenings where nothing is better for dinner than grilling (and the fact that there aren’t as many dishes to clean).

* This weekend is relatively unplanned. After two weeks of traveling for work and a whole host of other things going on (details to come next week) I’m kind of excited about it!

Anything on your Friday list or your mind you want to share?

I noticed last week when I was poking around my archives that I’ve been blogging here at Walking With Nora for a little over five years. Before that, I was at a few other blog names so I’ve been at this blogging thing in some form for about seven years. That’s a really long time if you ask me.

Some days, especially lately, I feel at a crossroads with blogging: perhaps it’s because I can’t freely share or write like I used to as I go through the Right Thing I blogged about a few weeks back, or maybe it’s because I feel like what I do have to say is inconsequential or boring. Then I read posts like LaMidge’s and realize that I’ve been feeling a lot like what she describes in this post. A LOT. (Go read it if you haven’t. I’ll wait.)

I still love blogging 98% of the time. I love my friends I’ve met through this space. I love knowing that if I found myself in a city other than my own I’d probably have two or three blog friends to call upon. I love that a few of my favorite CD mixes are from bloggers. That I’ve traveled near and far to meet you. That several of my very best friends and a decent chunk of my wedding list are bloggers. I love that when I have good news I want to share it with my friends here. I love that I sometimes have the opportunity to review products I genuinely care about. I love the sense of community and knowing that maybe when I post on a serious issue, it might help someone else out there. I love that this is my space and I don’t have to apologize for what I say or how I feel, when I post and when I don’t. Except that last part? Lately I do feel like I have to watch what I say or I feel bad when I don’t blog as much as I used to. There is this is random perceived pressure when it comes to blogging and I’m not digging it. So I haven’t been.

This past weekend I realized that blogging is a part of who I am. I don’t think I’ll give it up anytime soon; it’s part of my identity and as I grow, my blog identity will change and evolve. I’ll be here, posting but on a completely random schedule with no rhyme or reason to it. For awhile long some of my posts will be of less substance until I can share more on the Right Thing and all the big, huge, life changes that go along with it. I’m finding my next blog voice: part 20-something, part-future-wife, part-mom-in-a-way. Melding those isn’t so easy, on the blog and sometimes off the blog. So I ask you to bear with me as my blog identity changes.

Are you still in love with blogging? Do you find that your blog identity changes as your life evolves?

What a week. Seriously. I’ve had little time to blog or if I have, the computer hasn’t been on, so today I give you my week, summarized in five minutes (and bullets):

* Tuesday night I got together with one of my bridesmaids; I see her about every two months when I’m back in the Lou for a work trip and no matter what it’s always great to catch up. Her mother-in-law was there for a bit which was awesome because I had had a really rough day and her hugs always help. She also gave me some pointers on the Right Thing that Knight and I are currently working on, for which I’m grateful. After her MIL left, I made dinner while she put her adorable 8-month old to bed and then we just hung out. Talked about everything and nothing in particular. I’m so glad to have such great friends in my life.

* Wednesday night I treated myself to a mini shopping trip. I had a gift card to Ann Taylor Loft. I scored a pair of jeans for $20, a new pink cardigan and two fun shirts with color so I feel like I’m more ready for spring and summer than before. I’d love to buy half that store, but I’m pacing myself.

* So my latest Netflix obsession: One Tree Hill. I know, how teeny bopper of me and I know it’s been on for like 10 or 11 years now, but it’s filling a gap I need right now in my down time.

* Last night I took Jack on a walk around my folks’ neighborhood and on our way home, a puppy decided to follow us home. She escaped her invisible fence and wanted desperately to play with Jack, though sadly he wasn’t interested (he was kind of a jerk to her which is so not like him. I think he heard the buzz of her collar and got freaked out?). I had to take her back to her house but of course she didn’t want to cross the line of the invisbile fence. Her whimpering was killing me but fortunatley her owners came out to help. (I won’t comment on how I don’t think a small puppy should be left outside alone with a new invisible fence….)See also: I would like a puppy. Cause, you know, we don’t have enough going on.

* Last week Jolie came over to our house wearing a shirt that read “My Mom Rocks!” which happens a lot and doesn’t phase me one bit. She came up to me after dinner and told me in her most serious voice that shirt applies to StepMoms like me and did I know if they make “My StepMom Rocks!” shirts because if they do, she wants one? I nearly died from the cuteness and heart-melting right there.

Anything from your week you need to catch me up on?

The last time I saw a movie in the theaters? It was last June and the movie was Winnie the Pooh; we took the kidlets (obviously). I’ve missed a bunch of books-turned-movie and haven’t received my proper chick flick fix in ages and Knight has missed out on all the man-Blockbuster hits. So, we turn to our Netflix queue. Here’s a list of movies that surprised me:

* In Time. Reason #1 to see it: Justin Timberlake. Reason #2: Shirtless Justin Timberlake. The premise is a tad sci-fi: when you turn 25 you stop aging. You also have to earn your time on earth: every minute, hour, month otherwise you “time out.” It’s a fast-paced two hours that left us talking about what we would do if we only had one day left to live, or if we had to fight for our time here on earth the way some of the people in the movie had to.

* Midnight in Paris. LOVE, love, love this movie. I usually like Woody Allen movies but I wasn’t sure about this one. Since we first watched it? We watch it any time it is on TV. And each time we marvel at just how cool it would be to time travel backwards and forwards, without any negative impact, meet famous people, explore. If you haven’t seen this, you have to.

* Killer Elite. I’m pretty much a sucker for anything with Robert DeNiro in it. This movie is based on a true story about revenge, family, what war is really like, and the dirty secrets that go on behind closed doors, even in the government. Guys will like this movie: guns, girls, curse words, awesome car chase scenes. I don’t really know why I liked this movie but it held my attention and I was glad we rented it.

* What’s Your Number? I had my doubts about this movie, but after all the man movies that we have watched, I needed a dose of chick flick-ness. Knight laughed at this movie and enjoyed it (which shocked me) and while the plot is totally predictable (duh), it made me laugh out loud and took my mind off real life for a bit which is usually the whole reason I watch chick flicks.

I’m excited for the next bit of movies on my list to come: The Help, Moneyball, My Week with Marilyn and The Descendants.

Any movies out there that you’ve rented recently that you recommend? When was the last time you went to see a movie in the theater?

The last few days have been a whirlwind! Between having last Friday off, driving home to see my parents and get some things done in the STL, coming back north on Sunday, and a crazy busy work day yesterday, I’m a tad exhausted and it’s only Tuesday. So today will be kind of a random mish-mash of what’s going up and on my mind.

* Friday morning I woke up with an awful sore throat. Like the worst. Jolie had a cold last week and accidentally coughed *in my face* on Wednesday last week so while I’d been bracing myself for the worst by guzzling Vitamin C and being kind to myself, it didn’t work. Saturday morning I was insanely sick so took myself to the doctor, got meds, and spent most of the afternoon as a lump on my parents couch. Not the ideal way to spend Easter weekend. Oh, also this: I sound like Fran Drescher from The Nanny thanks to a touch of laryngitis or something. It’s been a little bit funny when I answer my work phone and no one knows who I am.

* Now that Easter is over, it means Lent is over. I can technically have all the fried food, soda and chocolate I want. Except I don’t really want it. I’ve had a few pieces of chocolate here and there but I don’t crave it like I did when Lent started, so I’d say mission accomplished.

* Last Friday marked six months until the wedding. I did manage to pull myself up and off the couch for a bit on Saturday evening to work on some of the DIY stuff we are doing for the centerpieces and decor and I’m so thrilled that it’s going to work. I will be going in a different direction than originally thought for all the bouquets because otherwise I’d be making them, well, for the next six months. We do still have some other things to handle such as wedding rings and officially getting our groomsmen to order their stuff, but otherwise I feel like we are in good shape. And in two months my dress will be in so I can start doing fittings. Friends and family have started booking flights and hotels so it’s all starting to come together.

* Lately Knight and I have been scrutinizing our budget and are making some exciting changes that will help us save more money in the long-run. This includes him trading in his fancy man truck for a more gas-friendly yet still man-fancy car. He’s picking it up tonight and I’m pretty excited about it. We will also be making changes to our cable package and a few other things (same cell phone plan, checking out our insurance options) and it’s kind of nice to remember that we can control who we give our money to each month.

That’s really the extent of my awesome and exciting updates today. Anything on your mind you want to share today?

* Lent begins today. This means last night I enjoyed soda, chips and chocolate in preparation for the next 40 days, and hopefully beyond. I may be a tad grumpy for a bit since I won’t be able to enjoy any of my vices but it’s healthy for me and a good lesson in self-control among other things.

* I fell down a wedding planning rabbit hole last night. It started at looking for and creating our invitation and RSVP card wording. Then it turned into looking at paper flower templates, ideas, and other decor for the ceremony. It wound up with me looking at offbeatbride.com for about half an hour. And then looking at my wedding dress online (again).

* Last night while working out, Knight let Jack into the garage with us and put his dog bed in the middle of the floor. After Jack sniffed every possible corner of the garage and doing a few doggie curls (aided by Knight of course), he curled up in his dog bed and watched us until we were done. It was pretty adorable and hilarious.

* In less than two months we will be in Florida for a week. I can’t wait. It’s so needed. SO. NEEDED.

* Lately I’ve been contemplating going to law school. I know I’ve already done the school thing twice but after seeing firsthand how difficult the court system can be to navigate, specifically in the area of family/divorce law, well, it makes me want to go to law school. I thought about law school a ton after I graduated with my Bachelor’s but it never happened. Time will tell but as of right now, I’m figuring out how to work into my five year plan. (And seriously, the system is so frustrating. Really makes one feel alone. More on that another time.)

* I think our issues with our phone/internet/cable are finally fixed after a whopping ten service calls. Here’s hoping it stays that way.

* This past weekend Jolie asked me if she could start doing things like “big kids,” do. I had no idea what she was talking about (I had visions of her wanting to put on lots of make-up, wear crop t-shirts, pierce her ears and stay out until midnight even though she’s only five) but alas she just wants to do dishes and help with laundry. Saturday and Sunday night she got the step stool out and rinsed dishes/loaded the diswasher with Knight.

* The Oscars are this Sunday. My mom is having her annual Oscar party and this is the first year in ages I won’t be there; Skyping and texting will definitely be in order.

What’s on your mind today?

* When I moved to the “great north” I was really looking forward to winter. After hearing about really cold temperatures, blizzards, snow on the ground for months and etc., I kind of wanted to live it. Now that I’m here though? I’m told we are having one of the most mild winters in a really long time. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great but I really wanted to sit by the window like a little kid and watch snow fall for hours, be able to go skiing in real snow, and make a few snow angels. So far it’s not happened. I don’t know if it will.

* This past Sunday Jolie had her first playdate at our house (she’s gone to other playdates but this was her first one that she was hosting!) and that was all that we talked about starting on Friday night. Her friend was the cutest, most shy person I have ever met. Perhaps its the fact that night is 6 ft 5 and has a beard but I’m telling you if he was in the room she didn’t speak. It was until he left to run a few errands that she started to chat. Anyway, the play date went well: lots of playing dress-up, running around the house with music blaring and of course a healthy dose of coloring while watching Tangled (which is called “Rapunzel” in our house). And then suddenly the afternoon got quiet and Jolie’s friend looked terrified to be at our house. Knight was around so I asked her what was up and with tears in her eyes she said she was ready to go home. After her mom came to get her Jolie was crushed. She confessed she doesn’t feel like she has a lot of friends and didn’t understand why her friend wanted to go home (we found out on Monday that her friend has strep, so that explains it). We sat on Jolie’s bed, Indian-style and talked it out. How to make friends. How to keep the ones you have. How some kids Jolie’s age are shy and not quiet as outgoing as Jolie is. How it will be ok and that we’ll keep scheduling play dates for her when it’s our weekends. At that moment I felt like a mom; it was kind of awesome. We ended the conversation with high-fives, pinky swears and hugs.

* The Night Circus. I gobbled this book up. I’m definitely going to have to re-read it because there is just so much going on, to take in, to understand but I think this book may be at the top of my favorite books in 2012 even though it’s early in the year. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they make this into a movie but I also kind of hope they don’t because I have no idea how they could do it justice. So beautifully written. If you are looking for a good/different/new book, pick this up!

* We watched Midnight in Paris last weekend. I wasn’t sure if Knight would like it or not but turns out he loved it much to my relief. We talked about it all Saturday night and a bunch on Sunday. What era would we want to visit? Who would we hope to see? The movie was so well done from start to finish, music, dialogue, clothing, filming, all of it. Another job well done by Woody Allen. I think this may be one of those “must own” movies.

* I’m addicted, again, to Just Dance, this time the third one. I got it for Christmas and I love the workout mode, the fact that I can unlock badges and songs, and the plethora of dances I can practice. Fun and a good cardio workout = perfect combo.

Any tidbits you want to share this week? Good books/movies/workouts that you’re addicted to these days?

* The past week and a half have flown by, mostly due to a work trip and travel, wedding planning, work and then more travel. I have the intention of blogging more regularly (that counts, right) but when I sit down at my computer, I stare at the empty screen. The funny thing is I have tons to say and share, but alas it just isn’t coming out right. I have a schedule-free weekend coming up soon so I hope to remedy it then. When you find that you are going through the same thing, Article Writing Services will give you free customized articles to keep content on your blog fresh.

* This weekend we are hosting some friends of ours, all in our tiny house. A total of six adults, two kids, one toddler, and two, maybe three dogs. It’s going to be a zoo. I’m excited to see everyone, but being a parent to two very active young kids while trying to entertain? That’s not a balance I’ve totally figured out yet. Should be interesting to see how it goes.

* Wedding planning went really well last week; I promise an update soon (Friday, most likely) to share the details and pictures and etc. I will say this: sometimes wedding planning is not nearly as fun as I thought it would be. So much so that the idea of eloping is *still* appealing even though we have most of the “big” stuff settled.

* Knight was on a work trip while I was away, so when I came back home, I had a few nights to myself. This meant cereal for dinner, watching movies like “One Day” and “Blue Valentine,” (I recommend tissues on hand for both) and enjoying the fact that I only had to make my side of the bed in the morning. I missed him like crazy, don’t get me wrong, but it was kind of fun to have the house to myself, kid and guy free! I took advantage of the free time to dye  my hair (it’s natural color), experiment with nail polish colors, and get some journaling and date planner stuff done. Not that I can’t do those things when there are people around, it’s just harder when we have kid schedules to abide too and I want to give into sleep early.

* Winter is here! We had snow while I was away and all day yesterday we had snow off and on too. It’s rather pretty to look at, until I go outside and it’s downright cold, and getting colder for this weekend. At least I got a good workout in shoveling half of our huge driveway.

On a more serious note…

* Monday morning my phone rang at 6am. No one ever calls me at 6am so as soon as I heard it ring, I knew. My best friend’s brother passed away that morning. I am not going to make it seem like I was incredibly close to him, however, her family is like my family. I walked around in a bit of a haze and fog on Monday, unable to really process what happened.  He was only 33. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain my like-second family  must be going through right now. I know he’s in a better place, free of pain, with his relatives who have gone before him, but it’s still…surreal. Like it didn’t really happen. The last time I saw him was about a year ago, he was his usual smiling and friendly self, gave me a big bear hug as per usual. Odd to think I won’t ever see him again.

Any tidbits in your life you wish to share?