Category Archives: Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned at an Italian Wedding

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I know I’ve been a bit quiet here and on twitter the past few days as work and life has been busy, I’ve been dealing with things that aren’t exactly blog-friendly topics (nothing bad I promise, just general life stuff) and honestly, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Working full-time. Planning a wedding (do you have any idea how hard it is to plan a wedding when there are other more immediate things to be taken care of?).  Being a fiancée.Being a parent. Being a sister, a daughter, a friend, a blogger, a vlogger. Sometimes I just can’t fulfill all my duties so rather than try and fail or feel bad, I just back off a bit. I can’t even find the time to write here or in my journal. I’ve ignored VEDA the last few days and my reader as well… of course I have tons of things to share and posts to be posted, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes.

If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll recall that I had a really awesome time at my cousin’s wedding on Saturday night. Family I had not seen since I was in high school (we are spread out all over the U.S.) gathered to watch one of my first cousin’s marry. There were Brooklyn accents, stories from my dad’s childhood, numerous handshakes with Knight congratulating him and welcoming him to the family, over 500 pictures taken between myself and my mom, wine, food, dancing, more pictures, love, and just a feeling of comfort. It’s so great to be with family: there is no judgment. No pretense. No worry. Just unconditional love. While I may have spent Sunday with a bit of a hangover when it was time to part ways with the family I felt a bit empty. I know I’ll see many of them again next October for our wedding but somehow that seems to far away to see Aunts, Uncles, cousins, pretend grandmothers. Events like this make me wish we all lived a little bit closer together rather than plane rides away.

Here are some things I learned during the wedding this past weekend:

* I’m infinitely more excited to get married next year to Knight; we have decided we are going to incorporate some Italian themes and traditions into the wedding as well as some German ones (he’s of German heritage).

* I get really irked when people call pasta “noodles.” I’m sorry but pasta is not noodles, at least not to an Italian.  Also? Macaroni cheese is a new way of requesting parmesan cheese. I kind of like it.

* When you have a reception and the DJ is calling the tables by number to go up to the buffet, you can bet your butt that the Italian side of the family will cheer and clap when it’s their turn for food. What can I say? We love to eat.

* Knight doesn’t really like to dance; he’s really tall and was the tallest person on the dance floor and while no one else noticed he felt like he stuck out. We agreed that dance lessons for both slow dancing and “fast” dancing are in order for him before our wedding next year.

* My dad is both hilarious and adorable when he dances. I have the photos to prove it.

* I would like to have an Italian Mastiff as a future pet; my aunt and uncle from Brooklyn have one and man is he gorgeous. He’s also huge: 140 pounds at 16 months, but apparently the best family + watchdog ever.

* Wedding cake with buttercream icing is really the best invention ever.

* Italians are loud (everyone knows this). Put them in a room with loud music and we will shout to be heard over it. We will also lose our voice, which we don’t realize until we leave the reception.

When was the last wedding you attended? Did you learn or observe anything new?

Post-Move: Eight Weeks

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“It’s only been eight weeks!”

“It’s already been eight weeks!”

Interesting how time is relative to certain situations. Those are two phrases I’ve found myself saying since my move. EIGHT WEEKS. That’s all it’s been since I officially converged lives with Knight by packing up 80% of my stuff (some of my furniture I refuse to part with won’t fit in our little cottage-style home so my parents are using it/storing it until we buy a bigger home in the future) and traveling six plus hours north. {Photo Credit}

Somedays it seems like I’ve been there so much longer (in a good way) and other days it seems like hardly anytime at all. Maybe it’s because it’s been nothing short of a whirlwind, full of travel and running around and road trips. Maybe it’s been because we have been busy making the house our home, getting me adjusted to a new way of life (which I now love). Maybe it’s because we have actually had time together, not just weekends, but actual evenings, double-dates, walks along the lake. Whatever it is, it finally feels like home.

Here’s a short list of things I’ve learned in the last eight weeks:

* Men will eat almost anything. Even if they aren’t sure if they like it (or don’t like it). This also means you should be prepared for food to disappear from the fridge, especially if you wanted to eat it.

* Knight doesn’t leave his dirty socks on the floor. Instead, he will leave his clean clothes in the neatly folded pile for a few days before it gets put away.

* I’m evidently a really light sleeper. Knight gets up reaalllyy early a few days a week for work and without fail I wake up with him.every.single.day. It’s done very interesting things to my sleep habits and patterns but I’m trying to get used to it.

* Don’t walk around the house barefoot when little kids are around. You will inevitably step on some tiny toy made of sharp, painful plastic and then spend the next five minutes hopping around the house until the pain goes away.

* Kids wake up early. Really, really early. They could go to bed two hours later than their normal bedtime and still wake up early. Not only am I a light sleeper, I’m also not a morning person. It’s been an adjustment. Thank goodness for cute voices and morning hugs otherwise I’m not sure I’d make it.

* I am now a person who says “I’m going into town,” and “I’m going to shop at The Pig,” (that’s a Piggly Wiggly for those of you who are wondering). Every once in awhile I catch myself saying one of those phrases, chuckle and then smile at just how much my life has changed in the last few months.

* Knight and I both own a lot of clothes. Closet space is a premium and we have big closets. I may or may not have a box or two (or four…) in Belle’s closet. There is also a permanent shortage of hangers in our house somehow.

* It’s evidently acceptable to wear a swimsuit top, short shorts and cowgirl boots inside Target.

* I wouldn’t have gotten through this move or adjustment without Target, Jimmy John’s and wine.

* Always budget extra money for  moving, no matter what.

* You may not be homesick after awhile, but peoplesick? That’s a whole different ballgame. I’m still peoplesick even though I love my home, the area I live in and am glad for the move.

* I’m tired of traveling. I know I’m blessed to be able to travel for work, to see friends and family but I have had only five weekends in my new home. It’s exhausting my mind, my body and our wallets so for the rest of the year, Knight and I are kind of reining in our travel; apart from one four-day weekend we booked eons ago, we are going nowhere until Christmas unless it’s for business. After traveling non-stop to see each other for nine plus months, I/we need a break. I’m looking forward to more home improvement projects, getting to know more of my area, finally attending some of the meet-up.com events that I’ve been hoping to get to and so much more!

* Adventures are far more fun once you are actually IN it rather than just preparing for it. They are also a lot less scary.

What have you learned from a big life change, move or adventure?

(Also, super random side note & shoutout: it’s VEDA- Vlog Everyday in August. If you want to watch my videos, check out my YouTube Channel. I’m attempting double duty this month with both blogging and vlogging, so we shall see how it goes! Bring on the challenge!)

Lessons Learned… on Moving

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Last Saturday was The Big Move. Here are my lessons learned, in no particular order…

* Saying bye to my folks was incredibly hard, even though I know I’ll see them in four weeks, even though I email with them every day, even though they are always there for me. Yes, I’ll be going home but it’s not the same kind of going home it used to be, if that makes sense.

* It still rains on my moving days. This trend started in college and hasn’t stopped. No matter when, no matter where, it always rains, like hard, driving, cold, windy rain. I don’t know why I expect anything different.

* Moving in pieces was a good idea but still when I got here the mass amount of stuff I have and that Knight has (not to mention the general household stuff, kid stuff and etc.) was supremely overwhelming. This means it’s perfectly normal to have a sobbing breakdown over how there is no room for you in this house if your clothes won’t fit in the closet and how you want to go home. This also means that your fiancé will give you a big hug and work with you to clear out half the closet for you.

* The collapsible cubes that you can get at Target are life savers, particularly in closets with limited shelving. Gives you double the room instantly. (No, Target and the cube folks didn’t ask me to write about this. I just love these cubes. I think we have upwards of eight of them in the house now, in a variety of colors.)

* Project Spread. It happens. We went from fixing up the bedroom to our liking to rearranging the girls rooms so they actually have play areas, to emptying out the garage. Good thing tomorrow is trash day.

* Free furniture. There is nothing like it. Sure it’s gently used but a free couch, end tables and coffee tables? Yes, please. We have completely transformed the living room to something that we both love. The only purchase we made were two club chairs (again, from Target because apparently four trips to Target in one weekend wasn’t enough).

* Appliances will break when you need them, like the vacuum. It will overheat, stink like crazy and have you looking at the Memorial Day sale ads to find something new and suitable. A dog + laminate flooring = must have. (Not to mention kid crumbs, adult crumbs and etc.)

* Do not expect to get sleep or relax your first weekend in your new home even if you really want to. It’s just not possible. You’ll be up late, until all hours of the night just so you can clear off your bed for those sweet zzzz’s.

* Do treat yourself to good food, even if it means a trip to the grocery store and time over the stove. You’ve both earned it. Also: meal plan. Post the meal plan. Let them know what to expect. Saves a lot of time, hassle and “what should we have” questions each night after work.

* Get curtains. The sun comes up much earlier here than at home (seriously) and it will have you bright-eyed and bushytailed at 6 am the first two mornings unless you have curtains that help block the sun. You like your sleep, you need your sleep, so protect it and make it happen.

* Laugh. Listen to loud music. Enjoy and savor the fact that you don’t have to leave to go back to your other home in a few days. Remember that the chaos and boxes and adjustments are all temporary. Allow yourself to be homesick. Make promises to each other about the future. Snuggle up on the new couch, taking in all the good work you’ve done, relax, hold hands, and sip wine. Oh, and look at your engagement photos together (will share some soon, I promise).

On Being a Bonus Mom

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I mentioned on Monday that after this weekend I didn’t feel like such a great Bonus Mom. Because so many of you rock and sent me emails of encouragement, to offer a shoulder of support, to make sure I was ok and etc., I thought I’d clarify a little bit.

What happened this past weekend was unlike anything I’ve experienced with Knight and the girls. Lots of attitude, talking back, simply ignoring anything Daddy & Nora said and other behaviorial issues. Perhaps it was the new environment, perhaps it was the activities, perhaps they were just simply in a mood, perhaps they were just testing us. I have no idea.

(Side Note: They were nothing but angels when they were in front of my parents; figures, right?)

After this weekend, I felt like I had no idea how to parent or help Knight parent the girls. I’ve said before I know I’m not their mother and I’m not here to replace her which I’ve told the girls countless times. However I’m certainly in a motherly/parental role and I take that role seriously partially because I love Knight and partially because I care about the girls and their well-being. 

Last weekend tested me and Knight: the strength of our relationship (thank goodness we are good at communicating, being open, honest and able to talk); our parenting skills (admittedly they need some work in some areas, but thanks to being able to talk, we have some new ideas and plans in place); our patience and energy levels. I felt frazzled by the end of it, thoroughly exhausted and totally clueless. And I hated that feeling. I know that not all weekends or days with the girls will be rosy because they haven’t all been impeccable to date, nor do I expect that, but I wasn’t prepared for how rough this past weekend was.  I know that their situation is rough having to go between to parents, that we are combatting the behaviors allowed/learned when they aren’t with Knight, and that they are young. But the constant trouble from the girls this weekend? Worse than usual.

There are some upsides to all of this…

 * I’m incredibly thankful for my years as a nanny/babysitting. I come prepared with my “kid kit,” (side note: I had totally forgotten that was from the Babysitter’s Club) chock full of coloring books, crayons, a mini-first aid kit, snacks, drinks, and random other toys. I am able to come up with fun ways to keep the girls occupied that doesn’t involve TV. I know what kids like in terms of food, movies, book, playtime and what they need in terms of naps, nurturing and daily care. All of those experiences have served me well so far and have helped Knight out as well.

* Knight and I had some amazing conversations on Saturday night after the girls went to bed on visions for parenting, how to make things better in the future, how to keep things consistent at his house so the girls know what to expect in the long-run. Conversations on what we expect of each other with our parenting hats on. Conversations on how to make sure we make time for each other even when we have the girls. We have a game plan and then of course laughed because we all know that kids and plans, well they don’t generally mix, but we are going to make it work.

* That despite the rough going, the happy memories I have from the “family” walks we took with the girls and Jack, sitting by the pond watching the ducks land, the girls picking “flowers” to put in their bikes or to give to me, the snuggles just before bed, how much they loved my parents, or the girls shouting that they miss me as they departed on Sunday.

* I’ve talked to my parents for ideas and tips on raising children, how I was brought up, what worked and what didn’t. I learned a lot about my childhood/upbringing and of course have a newfound and even healthier respect for my parents than before.

*  That at the end of the day, no matter what challenges we face, Knight and I will come together to work through things. We aren’t afraid to talk to each other, to share, to disagree, to make suggestions. I don’t have to worry with him about things not working out; it’s like it’s not even an option. We come together. We collaborate. We figure out a way to conquer. I have to say that it’s a refreshing feeling in a relationship; something I’ve never felt before.

So a tough weekend? Certainly. Did I learn from it? For sure. Will we be able to move forward and conquer these issues? Most definitely.

Lessons Learned…

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Lessons Learned on a weekend in the “country” with Knight and his family…

{via}

… it’s really quiet at night except for the distant train rumbling through (which it does often).

… there are definitely ample opportunities at Wal-Mart to take photos for “The People of Walmart.”

… roadtripping (aka drinking while hanging out on country roads which are totally pitch black) is more fun than you thought possible. Bonus points for singing Journey, Dave Matthews Band, CeeLo Green, and other random raps songs at the top of your lungs with the Knight and his nephew-in-law.

… I finally was introduced to Words with Friends & Angry Birds thanks to Knight’s older sister. I may be addicted. We also all may or may not have sat in the same room, playing Words with Friends against each other.

… Wii bowling is much more fun when you’re in a friendly competition against your boyfriend.

… simply holding Knights hand instantly relaxes and calms me.

… it is perfectly acceptable to eat both ice cream and birthday cake simply because you can (and because it was delicious).

… apparently there are Winter Wheat crops. I had no idea.

… The river bottom floods quickly and is oddly beautiful, especially when you’re running next to it. Also? There are no flat trails nearby even though you’re in the middle of nowhere and flat country plains. Made for a good workout though.

… The Bieber fans in Knight’s family did not think that the Backstreet Boys are good/cool. (His niece had me watch a handful of Bieber videos so I thought I’d educate her on the Bieber of my day. It was a no-go.)

What lessons did you learn this past weekend?

Lessons Learned: The Love Edition

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Lessons Learned thanks to love…

* Sometimes love makes absolutely no sense at all: who you fall in love with, what makes it work, why it ends, what makes you yearn for it. No sense at all.

* Love really can be inconvenient but I’ve decided that the “inconvenient” kind is the best kind. It is challenging, rewarding, amazing and 150% worth it.

* If love ends, there’s a reason for it. It stings, it hurts, it’s incredibly painful. You’ll come out stronger on the other side, lessons learned in your head and heart and ready to move on.

* As cliched as it may sound love really does show up when you least expect it.

* I’ve learned to appreciate rap music, known countless sports statistics, how to make risotto, things about farming, how amazing Chipotle can be, all thanks to the various relationships I’ve had over the years.

* Dogs will always love unconditionally and be there to greet you with tail wags and kisses every single day. It’s pretty damn amazing how they love with all their hearts.

* I’ve learned compromise. Patience. Understanding. How to really listen to someone. How to be a best friend, a confidante. How to trust.

* I don’t hate Valentine’s Day as much when I’m truly, 100% in love with someone… even if I can’t be with him today.

* Friendship love is one of my favorite kinds; I have so many amazing “girlfriends” in my life and I know I’d be lost without them.

* That sometimes what you thought you wanted in a relationship or a man is totally not what you wanted at all.

* Romantic comedies and Disney Princess movies seem unrealistic but there are aspects to them that are real. The butterflies. The smiles. The hope. The intensity. The fireworks. It can all be present in love and it’s lovely when it is.

* Love is worth the fall.

What have you learned from love?

Lessons Learned…

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… over my Christmas vacation.

* Making gingerbread houses, even the pre-made ones, isn’t as easy as it looks. You also may or may not have your hands covered in red, green and white icing.

* Additionally, even though you are 27 some parts of the houses will come out looking like a two year old did them.

* There is nothing sweeter than spending four hours in the kitchen churning out baked goods to get the family through the holiday season. Bonus: the way Knight’s eyes light up when he enjoys some of the confections I make.

* If the weathermen say it is really going to snow, believe them. It will happen. And may attempt to interfere with all of your plans even if it is just a few inches.

* Some men really know how to shop and give Christmas presents. Knight is included in this list (as is my brother and dad).

* Getting up before everyone else on Christmas Day gives you time to prepare not only the cheesy potatoes that everyone relies on you for, but also time to enjoy quiet time by the tree and reflecting on all the joy in your life.

* Don’t be surprised if for some strange reason, the day that you’re supposed to meet Knight’s extended family you wake up covered from head-to-toe in unexplicable, painful, terrible hives. (And when they refuse to go away after 48 hours, thus landing you on a week’s worth of steroids.)

* Do be a trooper, take Benadryl, drink lots of water, put on a strategically placed scarf and sweater, and forge on to meet the aforementioned extended family.

* There are some men who will still tell you’re beautiful even if you look like a Red Monster thanks to the hives. This means Knight. This means he is super awesome. This also means you can have pictures of him now….

* There is nothing good on daytime tv. Ever.

* It gets a lot harder to sleep in as you get older so make the most of the early daytime hours and allow yourself a nap in the afternoon.

* Be ok with the fact that you’re not a New Year’s resolution person, but instead resolve to live with one simple intention throughout 2011.

* Silly family photo shoots in front of the Christmas Tree? A must.

* Your family is still the best. Never forget this.

Lessons Learned (v2)….

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… going to see the play “Promises, Promises,” with your 86 year-old Grandmother seems like a good idea when you don’t know the plot. But when it’s about Mad Men-esque antics (aka lots of sexual content and notions) it’s a little bit awkward.

… eating at Panera three times in one week is acceptable, especially when you are on the run and refuse to go through a drive-through fast food place.

… running at the track just before dark is the best idea you had all week because the sprinklers are on, ensuring a lovely mist/spray every lap.

… having the intent to read, vlog, and send out cards to your friends is almost as good as actually doing those things… almost.

… don’t eat an oatmeal raisin cookie because apparently you’re allergic to them now. Thank goodness for Benadryl.

… make sure to indulge in several phone calls with close friends and family, one of which may involve plotting a trip to Florida for a cousin reunion. Ignore the fact you promised yourself no more travel this year; you can’t pass up a cousin reunion.

… wearing make-up to work after a long week and little sleep is purely optional. And a little bit freeing.

… it never gets easier to say goodbye to a good friend.

… waking up to Jack’s wagging tail brushing up against your leg is one of the most pleasant ways to wake up.

Any lessons you learned this week that you’d like to share?