Walking With Nora

You’ve Got Mail.
One of my favorite movies of all time for a myriad of reasons:

1. I love Meg Ryan movies.
2. Tom Hanks, though not sexy, is great in his role as Joe Fox.
3. It’s a tradition for Darling and me to watch it each holiday season.
4. It is surprisingly insightful, or perhaps it’s just the time in my life at which I watch it… **

“You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn’t feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you’re not. You are marching into the unknown armed with…nothing.” (Birdie Conrad)

Too often we settle. Too often we simply “get by.” Sometimes I think daring to imagine a different life is just as brave as actual living it. And of course daring to live the life you’ve dreamed of? Kind of super-hero-esque if you ask me.

“People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they’re really saying is that something you didn’t want to happen at all… has happened” – Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan’s character)

It’s true. Most change, at least the unexpected kind, is the result of something we didn’t really forsee or want to happen. Is it a good thing? Perhaps, but when you are in the thick of the it, it hardly seems like it’s for the better. Until of course, you are on the flip side of the change where you can safely stand on the ground, gazing across the ocean at that time in your life and all you can do is smile and feel giddy for the change was a good thing after all.

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.” (- Kathleen Kelly, Meg Ryan’s character)

This kind of sums up what I’ve felt periodically as a twenty-something woman and that I’m likely to feel this way again. Times like this I remind myself that I’m a “small picture person,” that I keep a small circle of friends close to me, that I can be brave when I need to be and when I want to be and that sometimes leading a small life isn’t such a bad thing as long as there is a smile on my face, passion in my heart, and love coursing through my veins.

**(And I promise I watch other movie genres besides romantic comedies and I have tons of other movie quotes that I just love, but today these are the ones really speaking to me)

Do you have any quotes from a movie that really speak to you?

After yesterday’s whimsy and yumalicious post, I thought perhaps I could and should be a tad more seriously thankful for all the good in my life of which there is a lot.

{via weheartit }

Jack, my faithful dog who follows me around the house and lies on my bed, often on my computer or book to get my attention. He loves me unconditional no matter what clothes I’m wearing, how crappy my hair looks or how busy I am. He’s always there and ready to give love.

My parents who are steady as a rock, who make me laugh, make me cry (in a good way), encourage me on whatever path I have chosen, who distract me when I need to not think, who guide me when I need a little direction. They are my guideposts for what I want in a relationship, for what I want in a marriage, for who I want to be as a parent. Without them I surely wouldn’t be where I am today.

My brother who is a bright, shining star in my life. He’s creative and a free-thinker. He pushes my buttons and my envelope but I love him for that. We’ve grown infinitely closer in the last few years and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

My friends. Gosh, my friends. Where would I be without them and you guys? Probably crying in a forest or something equally as lonely. I can’t thank you all enough for challenging me. For telling me to go to Vegas. For putting up with my silly memes when I have nothing to write. For the sweet words, letters, emails, snail mail, gchats, presents and overall knowing that I have a huge friend network. For taking me to happy hours. For letting me cry on their shoulders. For letting them cry on my shoulders. For inviting me into their life and for me emerging a better person.

My passion. I know that probably sounds odd but my passion for life, to make people happy, to be in love and to be loved push me forward. It has given me hope. It has provided a foundation for my faith, my personality, my ideals, where I’ve been and where I’m going. I don’t do things “just a little bit.” I go all out, full of passion and ready for whatever comes my way. It’s allowed me to be courageous when I feel I have nothing left to give. It’s allowed me to look at situations with honesty and truth.  It’s allowed me to find the next door to open even in darkness. It’s allowed me to be okay with my own thoughts. Above all, it doesn’t let me give up.

So while I wasn’t organized enough to pull off 10 days of Giving Thanks like the awesome Lisa D, I thought I would post an ode to some of my favorite actors, sports stars and singers that I’m incredibly thankful for whether it be their handsome bodies, incredible acting abilities, great knack for sports or voices that make me swoon.

Daniel Sunjata from Rescue Me and one episode of Sex and the City:

Gabriel Macht from The Spirit, an episode of Sex and the City and Because I Said So:

Johnny Depp, Sexiest Man Alive five times and counting

Derek Jeter, my favorite Yankee yesterday, today and tomorrow:

Dave Matthews, for his beautiful songs and romantic lyrics

(Thanks to everyone who’s commented on my last few posts; you’ve helped more than you can know! I should clarify that the actual break-up took place about 5 or 6 weeks ago but I’m just now in a place where I can write about all that I’ve been feeling. And I promise I won’t let the thoughts, feelings and emotions take over this blog.

Also, an update on my friend who was injured in Afghanistan: he’s back on U.S. soil now, undergoing many surgeries but he’s doing well considering all he’s been through. Your thoughts and prayers were and are much appreciated.)

Since it’s been a long while since I’ve done a Grace in Small Things post (GiST), I’m long overdue. That and it works well with the “be thankful,” theme this week.

* Friends who like Twilight as much as I do so that we all went to see New Moon together on Saturday afternoon. I’m not saying that I want a sparkly vampire to be my husband. It’s actually quite the opposite. I just want someone who possesses the Edward-like qualities (romance, handsome, intelligent, passionate, daring, sexy, funny and much more). The real attraction for me with regards to these books? It’s the idealistic romance that I see between Edward and Bella. And I want that for myself, no matter how unrealistic that may be.

* Mexican food. Back when I was a duo instead of an uno, we made Mexican or went out for Mexican at least once a week. Not having my weekly Mexican dose has been incredibly tough. Saturday night I cured this with a delicious chicken quesadilla and Mexican rice, both of which are to die for. So good.

* Amazing weather. It is November in StL, right? Because I can’t quite tell. We had sun and warmth all weekend which was the perfect environment for Darling and I to rake and bag over 40 bags of leaves and yard waste. The end result? Our house could totally be featured in Better Home & Gardens. It’s really amazing what a difference a lack of leaves makes on one’s lawn. I just hope the weather holds out for the 5k I’m supposed to run this Thursday!

* My brother is coming home on Wednesday for a few days. Enough said about that.

* Chatting via gchat, blackberry messenger. It’s great to have real conversations with so many of my blog friends turned real life friends. I can’t wait to get Skype up and running later this year, too!

* Nights spent reading by the fire, Jack curled up in the wing chair behind me, firewood crackling and popping. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a cup of hot chocolate or some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

The business of breaking up isn’t pretty.

After you get over the intial gut-wrenching pain and fear of being without someone you’ve known for a number of months (or years, as the case maybe) which always results in the infamous “Ugly Cry,” where your face is all scrunched up, red, oozing liquid from eyes and nose, tons of tissues strewn about, messy hair and other not-so-attractive characteristics, you have to get down to business. Business of moving forward, even if you’d rather not.

You know, things like deciding if you’re going to keep your Facebook Account. And if you are going to keep your Facebook account who do you need to purge from the list? It’s unpleasant to log-in and see a status update from the ex, or his best friend, or perhaps worst of all his family who you love and miss. Oh, and don’t forget about the cute couple pictures. DELETE; you have a copy on your computer anyway. Not to mention the obnoxious business of changing your relationship status which appears in two or three spots on your profile and potentially your friends’ walls if you have that box checked. It’s rather agonizing, really but two bonus points for you if you get through it without crying.

Then there’s the issue of the various reminders hanging out in your room. Picture frames. Little cards and notes. Stuffed animals. Paintings. Sculptures. You don’t necessarily want to throw them out because they still mean something to you, with or without a relationship. Best to box ‘em up and save them for a day when you can face them.

Don’t forget your stuff! If you lived together or practially lived together there’s a good chance that you amassed a fair amount of stuff at his place/your place. It’s easiest to approach the exchange of stuff via text or email and agree on a drop-off point or time, preferably not face to face as that could totally set you back about two weeks in the recovery process. If a drop off isn’t feasible, ask a friend to go get it for you or at least, go with you. This can be just as challenging as declaring your singledom to the world because I bet you forgot about that particular gift/note/memorabilia that he gave to you and you accidentally left at his place. When it shows up in the box(es) or bag(s) of stuff that’s been returned to you, be prepared for a return of the “Ugly Cry.”

Lastly we have the reconnection to the life pre-relationship which can be quite tricky. It’s not that the relationship was your whole life but you have to retrain everyone in your life to think of you as YOU and not “You + boyfriend.” This can be tough especially in your mid-twenties when 95% of your friends have already taken the engaged/married plunge, married + kid plunge, or are about to be one of the three. Their weekends are sacred, which is something you know well but the weekends are such a large expanse of time. Time to be alone. Time to reflect. Time that can be dangerous. Staying busy as a bee is the only way.

Your friends and family will marvel at how organized and clean things are. You’ll send more emails and snail mail. Your Google Reader will be clean. Your gym membership will finally get it’s money’s worth. You’ll investigate new areas of interest. You’ll try out various volunteering jobs until you find one that you really like. You’ll spend more time with your Gram. You’ll plow through your “to be read,” pile. You’ll add sexy new clothes to your closet. You’ll earn frequent flyer miles as you traipse about the country in search of the next big adventure. You’ll have momentary setbacks, biting back the tears or letting them fall, but you’ll put your head down and move forward. It’s the only way.

And best of all? You’ll find that you can survive.

Quite some time ago, I confessed that I have a thing for Tyler Perry movies. As in, I kind of love them. While I realize I’m likely not his target demographic, the messages are strong and the movies are funny, insightful and enjoyable. Last night I watched one I had not seen before and lucky me, Maya Angelou was in the movie, playing, I suspect herself and her character at the same time. So today’s post is all about Maya Angelou and a few of my favorite quotes from her because everyone needs a little inspiration and uplifiting, right?

“Love is many things. It is varied. One thing love is not, is unsure.”  – Maya Angelou

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  – Maya Angelou

“If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.” – Maya Angelou

Do you have a favorite go-to quote that makes everything a little bit better for you?

The weekend was dressing up and going to listen to my dad’s band play. It was trying new appetizers. It was avoiding alcoholic drinks because of my antibiotics. It was laughing with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time. It was trying to guess if that guy was single, or maybe that one?  It was moments of loneliness that showed up at the oddest of times, like in a crowded bar or around my family. It was being an adult in ending the night early, giving into sleep.

The weekend was spending an hour in a used bookstore, scouring the books with Darling. It was spending $30 on books and adding six more to my TBR stack. It was enjoying 70 degree weather. It was munching on my favorite sandwich during lunch with my parents. It was raking leaves until my arms felt like they were going to fall off. It was falling off the NaBloPoMo wagon because I didn’t have anything happy to post. It was receiving word that a friend of mine was critically injured in Afghanistan. It was carrying my cell phone around in case we received an update.

The weekend was distracting myself from the loneliness and sad news by shopping. It was a Saturday evening spent with Jim Carrey and his 3-D world that is ” A Christmas Carol.” It was time on the couch with my pup and some ice cream. It was lighting prayer candles for my friend and his family. It was fighting back tears of confusion, hurt and sadness.

The weekend was conversations with Darling over a peppermint hot chocolate. It was Sunday morning breakfast with my Gram. It was biting my tongue over the subtle political nuances. It was Christmas present shopping at Target. It was throwing myself into making a delicious dinner for my parents. It was finishing a book that I couldn’t have read at a more perfect time in my life (Second Chance, by Jane Green). It was getting lost in the world of Stars Hollow a few too many times.

It was getting to know myself better. It was being there for my friends. It was a melange of emotions, people, places. It was prayers, hope and love.

The last six weeks I’ve spent time in Capeside (courtesy of Dawson’s Creek and my addiction to Netflix), back in the teen angst moments, back in a bit of comfort, and oddly enough seeing several episodes for the first time.

In watching the show and in spite of the angsty teen talk that is entirely too, well, annoying at times, I’m having a lot of flashbacks to high school…

Freshman Year. Marching band practice. Friday night football games. Continuing my incredibly huge crush on my neighbor who was on the football team. My first Homecoming dance, with a guy I could care less about. Lock-ins. Tripping up the stairs the first day of school. Surviving my first round of finals. Late night sleepovers. Moments of feeling totally boy crazy. Incessant crushes that wouldn’t end. Bad fashion choices like butterfly clips and ugly cardigan combinations.

Sophomore Year. My first real date. My first good kiss. My first Homecoming with a guy I liked. My first break-up. Making great strides in Marching Band which ulitmately led me to the decision to pursue a different fun activity. Branching out from my clique. Volunteering as a no-smoking advocate for middle schoolers. Getting my first job that didn’t involve babysitting. Finally being able to drive with a permit!

Junior Year. Starting with my yearbook career. Meeting my first serious boyfriend. Going to Homecoming with someone different because we weren’t “official yet.” Jumping for joy when we were official. Becoming really good at my yearbook responsibilities. Volunteering at sixth grade camp as a counselor. My first Sadie Hawkins dance. Prom! Attending football games as a spectator and not as a marching band person. Still harboring a crush on the boy next door.

Senior Year. College applications. Last Homecoming, Sadie Hawkins and Proms. Worries over what would happen to me and the boyfriend. Campus visits. Late nights working on Yearbook. Senior Lock-in. Another year of volunteering as a sixth grade camp counselor. On the executive board of NHS. Inducted into the writing honor’s society (which obviously meant so much as I can’t remember it).  Being voted as the girl who “always has a shoulder to lean on,”. A summer of graduation parties and goodbyes. A summer of uncertainty, nerves and excitement.

Do you have a TV show that transports you to a particular time of your life?

I want to dance to Frank Sinatra at a place like the Ritz Carlton until my feet hurt. I want to wake up for one entire week rested and ready to go for the work day. I want to volunteer and actually make a difference, not just by mucking stalls. I want to continue to be in touch with my friends and family. I want to jump in puddles and enjoy the water that splashes up over my rainboots.

I want to bake cupcakes for complete strangers. I want to start a neighborhood happy hour for young adults and actually have people show up. I want to figure out what is that I want to do with regards to my career and move in that direction. I want to buy and own a place to call my own, complete with fabulous kitchen for my friends to gather around and a backyard for Jack to play in.  

I want to conquer my fear of flying by jetsetting all over the country. I want to visit Alaska and have it be every bit as romantic as I expect it to be (courtesy of Northern Exposure, of course). I want to be able to declare my age (26) to people without having a mini- panic attack. I want to  embrace the gray hairs that have sprouted like wildfire atop my head.

I want to finally learn how to knit. I want to finish the cross stitch baby blanket I started years ago. I want to scrap all the pictures that I’ve accumulated using the amazing scrapbooking products I have. I want to dress more chic. I want the hurt to stop. I want more room in my heart to love (again). I want to spend afternoons cuddled with Jack on the couch, in front of a fire, reading a book or laughing with friends over tea.

I want to sip wine in Italy, eat cheese in France, and chocolate in Belgium. I want to celebrate a New Year’s Eve in New York City, just once. I want to go to a bed & breakfast in Maine. I want to take a cooking class and then have a fabulous dinner party. I want to go to a spa for an entire weekend. I want to attend a writing class for creative writing.

I want to be able to put myself back out there again to make new friends, to meet new people. I want to lose the last five pounds and keep them off for good. I want to get back in touch with myself, the smiley, sunshiney, nothing can go wrong Nora that I was not too long ago. I want to never lose touch with her again.

It’s incredibly easy to get up at the pre-ass crack of dawn (4:15 am, to be exact) when you know you’re headed for the land of sunshine, palm trees, seagulls, an hour’s drive to the beach, family, marriage vows, pictures, and bonding.

Highlights from the trip:

* Spontaneity. Darling and I decided to rent a car when we got to Tallahassee. And then when we got to the hotel we decided it was necessary to take a trip to the Governor’s Mall, you know, to accessorize our outfits for the wedding a bit more. We walked out with jewelry, a jacket (Darling), and sexy black jeans (me).

* Happy Hour. The hotel had a happy hour each evening and my family dominated it each evening. Between photo shoots of all the relatives, introductions to extended family I’ve never met, and just all around fun it was a great way for everyone to reconnect and let loose.

* My Girl Cousins Van & Gummy. (Nicknames, of course.) The last time I saw them was in – gasp- 1998 and 2001 respectively and my how they have grown. Van is a smart, strong, beautiful 25 year old who’s a Sargeant in the Army and it was like we never missed a beat. Gummy, my almost 16 year old cousin is radiant, intelligent and so much fun to be around; I just wish I lived closer to watch her grow up! We were over the top girls: getting ready together, giggling together, staying up entirely too late and having a sleepover in Van’s room the last night we were there. I miss them all so much already and am working on figuring out how to see them in the next six months!

* The Wedding. It was beautiful. Outdoor ceremony with an orchestral trio. Simple. Lovely bridesmaid dresses. Perfect timing (at sunset). I cried for them. I cried for me. I snapped photos. We lingered after the ceremony for more family photos. We enjoyed wine and hors d’oeuvres before the reception. I mingled. I laughed. I smiled.

* The Reception. Lots of dancing, wine, more laughter, cousin dances, slow dances. I caught the bouquet: the first wedding out of 14 weddings I’ve been to and I caught the bouquet. According to wedding myth I have two years from catching the bouquet for the meaning (me getting married) to come true. I was honestly thrilled and shocked when I caught it (ignoring all irony of the timing, of course). I even decided to carry the bouquet with me on the plane home. It made it as far as Atlanta before I decided I was annoyed with it and instead salvaged just a single rose.

* After Parties. After both the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception we partied late into the night. We played Wii. We listened to country music. We screamed lyrics at the top of our lungs.  We watched FSU v. Clemson. We just were: family. friends. together.

It’s hard to do a weekend like this justice but suffice to say it was good for the soul and warming to the heart. I just can’t wait to see everyone and feel like that again.

(No pictures since I forgot to get consent from my family. Most of them are on facebook and more will be posted soon!)